my tears burn my face as they slide from my eyes
i would rather tear out my heart and give it to you instead of telling you everything
there's still a sense of hopefulness in the air
but it's not for me
i would rather have someone else than fake people
these are not scars, these are marks of war
and i won't win it
because i refuse reality
the silence screams the loudest
when i look in the mirror i can see truths i’m not ready to hear
i still can feel the pace that i used to go
the place where i used to belong
i try to hold on but i slip, my hands are wet from the tears i hid 
i wrote this eight times, and the ending is still not the same as before
i always find a different way of enduring
but they still don't work
i'm scared
i hope i could end it all soon
but i'm not sure if i'll even be able to get up without stumbling or becoming dizzy
i don't know what to do without breaking down
i'm afraid of dying miserably
i wish i could have eight lives to use and finally prove them wrong
but it feels impossible even if i didn't mean what i said
i just want to sleep to forget everything momentarily
i know i'm going to remember again when i look at myself in the mirror
but that's not something i want
that's something i'm being forced to
i wish i could get some help
because i'm just doing all of this alone
but the words don't come out
that's making me throw my feelings out
because it's disgusting
and because of that i can't say anything else than speaking through my ragged breaths
i'm trying to make them realize what i am thinking
what i am passing through
why can't i make eye contact with anyone?
why do i feel ashamed of talking?
why do i feel this way?